You Are Not Looking for Community

We all crave connection. That’s why we join clubs, sign up for meetups, or linger a little longer in group chats. But let me ask you something: Have you ever been surrounded by people, yet felt utterly alone? It’s disorienting, isn’t it? Like holding water in your hands, only to feel it slip through your fingers.

Here’s the truth most of us don’t realize: You’re not actually looking for community. What you’re really longing for is to commune.

The Illusion of Community

We’ve been sold a version of community that’s about numbers — more followers, more members, more people to hang out with. But hanging out isn’t the same as connecting. True connection requires depth, not just proximity.

The writer Parker Palmer puts it this way:
“Community is that place where the person you least want to live with always lives.”

What he’s pointing to is the raw, unvarnished truth of real relationships. They’re messy, vulnerable, and inconvenient. Yet, this is where we truly commune — with others, with ourselves, and, if you’re spiritually inclined, with something greater.

Real community, the kind where you commune, isn’t about comfort. It’s about presence. It’s about showing up — not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

What Does It Mean to Commune?

To commune is to be together in a shared presence. It’s not about speaking or listening; it’s about being together in a shared presence. It’s not about solving or fixing; it’s about holding space for what is. It’s not about agreeing or approving; it’s about embracing the whole of each other.

In the Bhakti tradition, this depth of connection is called sanga — association that nourishes the soul. When two or more people come together with an open heart, something sacred happens. You stop performing. You stop posturing. And in that stillness, you meet.

Rumi captures this perfectly:
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

That field isn’t just an idea. It’s a lived experience. When you commune, you enter that sacred space where all barriers dissolve.

The Radical Act of Vulnerability

But the practice of communing goes deeper than simply being present. It invites you into a shared vulnerability. Leonard Cohen reminds us:
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

When we commune, we share those cracks with each other. In that sharing, we realize that our brokenness is also our beauty.

True communing requires us to risk rejection. It’s the courage to reveal our authentic selves, knowing that not everyone will understand, and that’s okay. As Carl Jung once said,
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Why Hanging Out Isn’t Enough

Think about your most meaningful relationships. Was it the hours spent talking about nothing, or the quiet moment when someone truly saw you for who you are? Most of what we call “community” today is built on surface-level interactions. We gather to fill time, not to fill our souls.

In a world obsessed with busyness, communing feels radical. It requires slowing down and leaning in. You have to be brave enough to risk rejection and open enough to truly be seen and to see others in their fullness.

The Root of Our Longing

Why are we so desperate for connection in the first place? Because deep down, we remember what it feels like to belong. Hafiz writes:
“You have been invited to meet the Friend. No one can resist such a Divine invitation.”

That Friend he speaks of is both within and without. It is the sacred connection we long for in every interaction, the thread that ties us to each other and to the universe.

This is why hanging out feels hollow if it doesn’t lead to something deeper. Our souls remember the sweetness of union, and we won’t be satisfied with anything less.

How to Commune

If you’re reading this and wondering how to commune, here’s a starting point:

1. Be Fully Present
   When you’re with someone, put away your phone, your distractions, and your inner chatter. Presence is the first step to connection.
2. Listen Deeply
   Listen not to respond, but to understand. Ask yourself: What are they really saying?
3. Create Sacred Spaces
   Whether it’s a shared meal, a circle of friends, or time spent in silence, set an intention to connect on a deeper level.
4. Practice Vulnerability
   Share your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. True connection happens when we drop our masks.
5. Engage in Seva
   In Bhakti, seva — selfless service — is a way to connect with others by giving without expecting anything in return. Offer your time, energy, or presence as an act of love.

The Call to Commune

In the end, what we seek is not just the warmth of a group but the fire of connection. Community is the container, but communion is the essence.

So, the next time you feel the ache for connection, pause. Ask yourself: Am I looking for people to be around, or am I longing for a space where connection flows both ways — a place to see and be seen, to hear and be heard, to love and be loved?

Because you’re not just looking for community. You’re looking to commune. And in that sacred meeting, the real magic happens.