Beyond Attachment and Aversion

Have you ever found yourself clinging to that one thing you thought would complete you — maybe it was a relationship, a job, or even that perfect parking spot? Or perhaps you’ve avoided a difficult conversation or emotion, thinking, “If I just don’t deal with this, it’ll go away.” (Spoiler alert: it never does.) These experiences are universal — moments where attachment and aversion pull us into the illusion of separateness, keeping us caught in the dance of desire and fear.

But here’s the twist: attachment and aversion aren’t just about what’s outside us. They’re woven deep into our inner world. The Bhakti path shows us that attachment is born from a mistaken identity: we think we are these small, separate selves, needing things outside of us to feel whole. And aversion? Well, that’s just attachment’s sneaky twin — pushing away what threatens our false sense of control.

Krishna, in his timeless wisdom in the Bhagavad Gita, gives us a roadmap: “He who is free from attachment and aversion, and is steady in both, is truly free.” It sounds simple, right? But if you’ve ever tried to let go of a craving for chocolate or avoid doom-scrolling Instagram at midnight, you know that this is easier said than done.

Maybe you’ve been here before: chasing that promotion, that relationship, or even the perfect yoga pose, believing that once you get it, you’ll feel complete. But no matter how many times we grasp, the satisfaction doesn’t last. We want more, or we fear losing what we’ve gained. And in trying to hold onto the pleasant or avoid the uncomfortable, we get tangled in a web of desire and fear.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna reminds Arjuna (and all of us), “Perform your duty, but do not be attached to the results.” In other words, do the work — love, serve, create — but don’t cling to the outcomes. The minute we start attaching our happiness to the result, we’ve handed the keys to our peace of mind over to something we can’t control. And let’s face it, how often does life go exactly as planned?

One of the most profound gifts of the Bhakti path is its teaching on love. Now, if you’ve ever been in love, you know it’s a rollercoaster of joy, vulnerability, and sometimes heartbreak. But Bhakti teaches us to love with our whole hearts — not just another person, but the Divine in all things — without expecting anything in return. Sounds radical, doesn’t it?

Here’s the beauty of Bhakti: when you love Krishna, or any form of the Divine, it’s not about getting something in return. It’s not a transaction. It’s a surrender. You love simply because your heart overflows, because, deep down, you know that the essence of who you are is love itself.

Think about it: when you truly love someone, is your joy in what they give you, or is it in the simple act of loving them? Bhakti reminds us that love, in its purest form, is not about holding on, but about letting go. In fact, the more we cling, the more we turn love into attachment, and that’s when the trouble begins.

But let’s be honest — it’s hard to let go. Life throws curveballs, and the ego doesn’t like uncertainty. It wants to control the narrative. You might think, “If I can just make everything perfect, I’ll feel safe.” But the reality is, life is unpredictable. It’s messy, joyful, painful, and beautiful — all at once.

Here’s where equanimity comes in. The Dhammapada, a foundational Buddhist text, says, “Craving is the cause of suffering.” That’s the whole game. When we crave, when we cling, we suffer. But when we learn to accept life as it is — without needing it to be different — we begin to taste freedom. Equanimity doesn’t mean we stop caring. It means we stop letting our happiness depend on things outside of us.

The Bhakti tradition calls this Lila, or the Divine play. Krishna dances, sings, and invites us to join him in this cosmic game. When we accept that life is a dance, that everything — the ups and the downs — is part of the Divine play, we stop fighting and start flowing. And when we flow, we love without grasping, and we embrace without pushing away.

Now, you might be thinking, “This sounds great in theory, but how do I actually live this?” It starts with small, everyday moments. Begin by noticing where you’re holding on too tightly — whether it’s to a person, an idea, or a vision of how things should be. Then, ask yourself: What if I allowed this moment to be just as it is? What if I loved, not to get something, but just to love?

As Ram Dass used to say, “I can do nothing for you but work on myself; you can do nothing for me but work on yourself.” The more we do this inner work, the more we realize that loving without attachment doesn’t mean loving less — it means loving more fully, because we’re no longer trying to control the outcome. We’re just loving because love is what we are.

Practice: Cultivating Loving Detachment

1. Witness Your Attachments: Take five minutes each day to reflect on where attachment or aversion shows up in your life. Is it with a person? A goal? Your identity? Simply notice.
2. Surrender Meditation: At the start or end of your day, take a moment to surrender whatever you’ve been holding onto — be it a desire, a fear, or an expectation. Offer it up to the Divine, trusting that life is unfolding as it should.
3. Gratitude for All: At the end of the day, reflect on both the highs and the lows, and give thanks for them. This simple act of gratitude begins to dissolve our resistance to what is.

But here’s the kicker — even on the spiritual path, attachment can sneak in. Maybe you’re attached to your meditation practice or the idea of being a “spiritual person.” This kind of attachment can be sneaky. You might think, “But I’m supposed to be dedicated to my practice!” True, but even spiritual practices are tools, not destinations.

Sri Ramakrishna, one of India’s great saints, said, “Do not seek enlightenment outside of yourself. Let go of everything, including the idea of letting go.” The trick here is not to cling even to the tools that are meant to liberate us. When we’re ready to awaken, we realize that all the practices, rituals, and teachings are just fingers pointing at the moon. And when we see the moon, we don’t need to keep staring at the finger.

In Bhakti, we can develop a deep attachment to our Ishta Devata — our chosen deity or personal form of God, like Krishna, Radha, or the Divine Mother. But unlike worldly attachment, this spiritual attachment transforms into surrender and love. It’s like falling in love with the Divine, only to realize that the “other” you’re loving was never separate from you to begin with. You dissolve into love itself.

At the heart of Bhakti is joy. We take ourselves — and our attachments — so seriously, but when we realize that life is just Krishna’s Lila, we can start to laugh at the whole game. I mean, really — how often do we stress over things that, in the grand cosmic dance, are just fleeting moments?

The Bhagavata Purana recounts endless stories of Krishna’s playful nature, showing that even the Divine doesn’t take life too seriously. Whether it’s stealing butter or dancing with the gopis, Krishna reminds us to play, to love, to dance — without getting bogged down by our desires and fears.

Here’s the invitation: Can you let go just a little? Can you trust that the universe is unfolding in divine timing, even when it doesn’t look like it? The more you surrender, the more you’ll find that life starts to flow. And when you’re not busy trying to control the outcome, you might even find yourself smiling more.

Take a moment today and ask yourself, “Where am I holding on too tightly? What would it feel like to surrender this?” You don’t need to let go of everything at once — just start with one small thing. And notice how, in that letting go, there’s a lightness. As Neem Karoli Baba said, “Love everyone. Serve everyone. Remember God.”

If you’re feeling called to bring more Bhakti into your life, consider starting a practice of loving detachment. It doesn’t mean you stop caring or engaging deeply. Quite the opposite — it means you love so fully that you no longer need anything in return.

So here we are, at the edge of transformation. The invitation is simple: let go — just a little. Maybe it’s letting go of that desire for everything to be perfect. Or perhaps it’s softening your grip on a relationship or expectation that isn’t unfolding the way you planned. And yes, it’s okay to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Life has a funny way of working out, often when we stop trying so hard to control it.

In the Bhakti tradition, there’s a deep understanding that life itself is a form of divine play, or Lila. We’re invited to dance with the Divine, not as rigid, perfection-seeking beings, but as lovers who can laugh, stumble, and get back up with grace. After all, the point of a dance isn’t to get to the end of the song — it’s to enjoy each step, each spin, each moment.

Krishna, the ultimate cosmic dancer, shows us through his playful mischief that life isn’t meant to be taken so seriously. We’ll face challenges, no doubt. But when we meet them with a smile, trusting that everything — yes, even the hard stuff — is part of our awakening, we start to experience life with more lightness and joy. As Kabir once said, “Wherever you are, that is the entry point.”

Take a breath. What’s one thing you’ve been holding onto, maybe a little too tightly? Is it a relationship, a desire, or an outcome you’re attached to? Maybe it’s a belief about yourself that feels limiting. The next time you notice that grip tightening, pause. Surrender it to the Divine. Trust that what’s meant for you will come, and what isn’t, will naturally fall away.

In those moments, smile. Even if life feels heavy, remember that surrender doesn’t mean defeat — it means allowing the universe to work its magic. As Swami Vivekananda said, “You are the soul, free and eternal, ever free, ever blessed.”

The next time you feel caught in the pull of attachment or aversion, ask yourself: Can I allow this moment to be what it is? Can I love without needing to control the outcome? Can I trust that everything is unfolding for my highest good, even when it doesn’t seem that way?

Remember, we’re all walking this path together, trying to figure out the dance between holding on and letting go, between effort and surrender. And sometimes, the best thing we can do is just smile, let go, and trust the dance.

I’ll leave you with some humor because, let’s face it, we often take ourselves way too seriously. Ever notice how stressed we get over the small stuff? Maybe your morning meditation didn’t go as planned, or you didn’t get that promotion you thought would make you “happy.” Here’s a Bhakti secret: Krishna doesn’t care if you missed your morning routine, and Radha isn’t judging your latest Instagram post. What they care about is whether you’re dancing through life with love, trust, and a little bit of laughter.

So, the next time things don’t go your way, ask yourself: What would Krishna do? He’d probably throw a little butter on it and laugh. Life is a divine comedy, after all. So, smile, surrender, and trust that the universe has your back.